what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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