Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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