i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
