whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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