Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
