i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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