after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
