I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
