I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book