What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?