It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was confusing and full of hummus
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Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.