People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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