i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
