She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
