I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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