We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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