I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
