Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
