Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
