but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Randomize
