so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
They are going to name an STD after you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
