I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
