her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
