Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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