my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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