Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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