He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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