I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
