if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
