Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
