I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize