Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
