how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
