I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
