Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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