physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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