Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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