Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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