Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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