The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
