im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
