I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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