Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
