This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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