Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
