How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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