Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize