I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
