I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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