I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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