HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
