just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize