I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am available for nakedness
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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