i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
