i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
