My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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