I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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