peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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