well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So squirting runs in the family.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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